Catching up and other fun things Part I

     So this is late in coming...yes, I need to work on my scheduling a bit. Would you believe there was a time when I kept track of 3 different schedules and everyone made it to appointments on time and deadlines were met. That was before I had kids though and my husband decided he wanted to be GI Joe. Oh well, its the little things in life that are important.

   GI Joe has mobilized, he's off having fun shooting big guns & blowing up stuff.  He is still stateside for the time being, 

   In February we attended the going away ceremony for the Brigade. It was the first time I had attended one, on his previous overseas deployment the girls were young and we said our good-byes at home. This time the ceremony was held in advance of the Brigade leaving for mobilization stations and the girls are older so we decided to attend. Imagine my surprise the following day while standing in line to check out at Wal-Mart, I glanced at the newspaper and saw GI Joe in a group picture from the ceremony. Very cool.  

Unfortunately, he is not the soldier waving to his family. To be honest, he's up in the right hand corner & kinda blurry. However, it just goes to show how easily we can spot our own in a sea of green.

 

     We experienced the first major family event we were unable to attend. My sister-in-law was married last month. A beautiful wedding from all I have seen and heard so far. The girls were supposed to be flower girls, but unfortunately with the uncertainty of the Government shut down and how it would effect GI Joe's pay, we ended up having to cancel our trip (we were driving out of state), a couple weeks before. Thankfully, she had a third flower girl so she was not left without one.       

     I also finished my first major lace knitting project. A shawl for said sister-in-law's wedding present.  It took me several months to work on and finish. I did not begin it until after the first of the year and then was only able to knit on it a couple hours a week on average. The first picture is of the shawl still on the needles. The second of the Diva laying next to it as it is blocking and finally, a corner draped over my shoulder to give perspective of design size.

     Through out this time the girls and I have begun to play the "silver lining" game. We try to come up with things that are "good" about GI Joe being gone. So far #1 on the list: eating cereal for dinner! My girls LOVE that and the only time they are allowed to do so is when Dad's not home. There is also the fact that I am able to pick the movies for the Netflix que, we do not have cable. The amount of toilet paper I buy actually lasts until next shopping day, telling you its the little things. The left overs I put in the fridge for my lunch the next day, are still there when I go to eat them.  I can set my schedule according to my plans and be shelfish in not considering him...if I want to stay late at church talking with friends,I won't feel rushed. Finally, I can knit in bed, bwahahahaha. I'll share more as we rock along day by day.

MIA and life in general

Yes, I know, I know. I promised to be better about blogging, that was um....ages ago! Seriously, though I do apologize as it has been CRAZY here at AGW HQ, (headquarters for all non-military personnel.) To be honest part of it is my paranoia for Op-Sec, the other is well, it really is hard to think about how my life could possibly be interesting for any other person, really it is not even interesting for me most days.

I will give you a quick rundown on the last couple of months with more detailed post's to follow. In the time between my last post and this one we have had:

• One Brigade going away ceremony
• I have achieved part of my new years goals
• 1 knitted lace shawl complete
• 15 pounds lost...then gained back
• 8 pounds back off again
• 2 date nights, including an overnight trip
• 3 gymnastic meets
• Several softball practices and 1 game
• 1 two week A.T.
• 1 four day pass
• 2 trips to get I.D's done with another one coming up
• 2 extra round trips to the Armory or surrounding area
• 1 birthday apart
• 1 major holiday apart
• 1 Sister-in-law's wedding, which kiddos & I were unable to attend
• At least 3 pity-parties/missing hubby
• 1 angry child
• 1 child doing okay (at least she's embracing the suckiness)
• Countless replays of Kathi Tracoli's "Psalm 23" on iPod
• 1 WONDERFUL group of ladies who may not be military wives are there for me anyway...they even listen to me whine!
• An average of 3-5 hours sleep a night
• 2.5 weeks with less
• 1.5 weeks without internet access
• 2 laptops, but only one WITH internet access
• 1 broken power cord
• Mobilization
• 1 "Crap, that was a do not tell the wife topic" in a phone conversation
• The beginning of what appears to be a great friendship with another wife
• 1 lost voice (GI Joe isn't even here to enjoy it!)
• Picking up some part time work
• Over a dozen links in our countdown chain
• Just as many pennies in our deployment pig
• 2 dings in the hood from hail damage
• 1 trip to the storm shelter
• and a partridge in a pear tree! (Okay, the last did not happen, but it sounded good.)

I will post more in detail over the next week.

I do not want your pity or your sympathy....but a little empathy might be nice.

As you know if you have been following, I am in the "reality has struck, give me a few weeks to be crazy before he goes" stage of deployment. I'm over emotional, highly sensitive, selfish, and totally lacking grace at the moment...so while most comments I get are of the "I don't know how you do it" variety, I have already gotten the "you knew what you were getting into, deal with it and get over yourself" type. (Insert what GI Joe affectionately calls "the look"...ya know, the one with the one raised eyebrow.) REALLY, you are seriously going to say that to me? (Which means you have probably already said it to some other military family member who might actually care about your opinion.) Everyone is entitled to their opinion, however, try to have a bit of sensitivity, I by no means want your pity, or even your sympathy, but a little empathy would be nice. I'm not perfect, I don't expect you to be, nor do I expect you to understand when you have never experienced this, nor will you, but if you ask how I am doing and I am honest with you just nod your head and pat my arm rather than berate me.

Let me clarify something; Yes, GI Joe did not join until after 9/11, therefore I "knew" he would deploy, probably multiple times before the end of his enlistment. I did a brief stint, before a knee injury took me out of the game, with the US Navy, my sister is retired Army, my father was a bubble head (Navy submariner)...while not a military brat, I am not completely naive to the military either. But you know something, it still sucks.

I've mentioned a military spouse blog I read, one of the contributing authors is a ANG wife also, she has a post that is a pretty good explanation of where I am right now. I am extremely proud of my hubby, I am not 'angry' he is going, but it still makes it difficult. The only reference point I have is a horrible first deployment which the girls & I 'survived' and a '1 year TDY' we tolerated. I want more than than that, I want to do more than just survive, I want to thrive. I know God will give me the strength to do what needs to be done, to be superwoman if necessary; however, the fact remains, my best friend, partner in crime, my confidant and lover will be leaving for over a year. He is the only adult interaction I have some days. I have to watch little hearts break as their daddy leaves, worry when they hear the news that we will have to have one of "those discussions" about daddy's safety. Its not easy. 

I know there are millions of single parents out there who do it everyday, who did not have a choice in the matter. Those parents are awesome, and I envy the ones who seem to have it down...I will never get there, I will always have chaos, no matter how many plans and back up plans I have in place. We will have to resettle our lives without GI Joe, knowing that whatever routine we get down will only be completely dismantled upon his return home as said routine will not click until just before end of deployment. There is always the fear of injury or worse lingering, and a new one this time around since both girls are a bit older: "what if daddy forgets us?" Tell me you know how to handle that one?

There are many things in our lives we think we"know" what we are getting into: marriage, kids, etc. We plan, we prepare, none the less, when reality hits we struggle. We have to readjust our perceptions, we reevaluate our plans and aspirations. Even when we have 'gone through it' before, every child, every deployment, every experience is entirely new. We may be going through it with others, yet it will be uniquely our own experience affected by our individual circumstances.

So in response to that wonderfully supportive comment: Yes, I 'knew' what I was getting into, no I am not whining about it, okay, maybe a little but then I'll be ok. I'll deal, just like I always deal, God will give me strength and wisdom and Lord willing, grace to keep my sarcasm to myself. I did not ask for, nor do I want your pity and I will try to be there for you if you ever need me, even when you 'knew' what you were getting yourself into. 

The countdown begins

I just realized the other day that my husband will be gone within 2 months.  While we have confirmation of his unit, we still do not have a report date. The reality of it can be enormous. This will be our second overseas deployment, this one so far is vastly different from the previous one. For instance: "I've had time to prepare" for it, I thought I was prepared, believed I had plan A, B, C and D in place. However, I'm not. I mean I SO AM NOT!!! All plans go out the window when you're rocking along in life and suddenly realize the day you thought was so far away, is just around the corner.

This is a bit of a schizophrenic time for me. I want it to slow down, want to be able to spend as much time with GI Joe as possible. I want our family to make as many memories as possible before he deploys. Then there are the moments when I about half wish he were already gone, after all, the sooner he leaves the sooner he will return, right?

Crazy I know. I have to keep reminding myself to focus on the here and now, something that can be difficult for a planner, to not worry about tomorrow.   Matthew 6:34 "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (NLT).   This has caused me to become more protective of my family time. I'm going to be very selfish over the next weeks, especially as his deployment date draws near.

*Note* After drafting this last night for posting today, GI Joe received a drill letter stating all pertinent dates for the next 3 months. This includes going away ceremony and later the actual Mobilization date. We've been waiting on this for months, expecting it, yet as he showed me I felt that "punched in the gut" feeling. Ok, so now this is really real. Now we can begin the countdown in earnest.