Osama bin Laden is dead...so why the mixed emotions?

Osama bin Laden is dead.  As I do not have cable or any type of television service, I might not have known about this,well as long as it took me to check my facebook account, had there not been a breaking news banner on the Yahoo homepage. I have to tell you I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with mixed emotions.

My first reaction: "Why are we not in the streets celebrating the victory this is?" Ya know, the type that will leave us with iconal images of sailors kissing random women. Flags waving, etc. We cut off the head of the snake. Then reality set in. (*WARNING* DO NOT continue to read if you do not want to think about anything but the positive).

While this is a major victory, we must not lose sight of the fact that if he were as good a leader as we all believe him to be, he has other's trained & primed to take his place. We have increased their motivation of vengeance and retaliation, we have given them a martyr.

Do not get me wrong, I wholly support our military and their mission. This needed to be done, the man is evil. However, I am unable to ignore the trepidation I have for our service members overseas. Especially those in Afghanistan and those preparing to go. The realist in me sees an increase in not only attacks but also an a feuling of the fervor of the estimated 36,000 Taliban fighters in Afghanistan , and other Taliban around the world. I am not alone in this assessment, our government feels the same way. Warnings have been issued to all service members overseas for increased awareness and security.

I am not the only wife feeling this way either, over at SpouseBuzz wives are experiencing many of the same emotions and fear for their spouses, friends and loved ones. So we will do what we always do, take a deep breath, process the emotions, thoughts and fears and continue with our lives. To do otherwise would be giving victory to our enemies. I need the peace of God that surpasses all understanding at times like this...His strength is what keeps me going, on my own I would be a nervous wreck of tears going down many dark paths in my mind. "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say on the Lord." Psalm 27:14(NKJ)


*Edit* Is it any surprise that within a week of their leader being killed the Taliban release a two-page report stateing on May 1 they will launch a spring offensive? A day before we as a nation knew bin Laden was dead, they show an need to prove that they are still a very real threat.

MIA and life in general

Yes, I know, I know. I promised to be better about blogging, that was um....ages ago! Seriously, though I do apologize as it has been CRAZY here at AGW HQ, (headquarters for all non-military personnel.) To be honest part of it is my paranoia for Op-Sec, the other is well, it really is hard to think about how my life could possibly be interesting for any other person, really it is not even interesting for me most days.

I will give you a quick rundown on the last couple of months with more detailed post's to follow. In the time between my last post and this one we have had:

• One Brigade going away ceremony
• I have achieved part of my new years goals
• 1 knitted lace shawl complete
• 15 pounds lost...then gained back
• 8 pounds back off again
• 2 date nights, including an overnight trip
• 3 gymnastic meets
• Several softball practices and 1 game
• 1 two week A.T.
• 1 four day pass
• 2 trips to get I.D's done with another one coming up
• 2 extra round trips to the Armory or surrounding area
• 1 birthday apart
• 1 major holiday apart
• 1 Sister-in-law's wedding, which kiddos & I were unable to attend
• At least 3 pity-parties/missing hubby
• 1 angry child
• 1 child doing okay (at least she's embracing the suckiness)
• Countless replays of Kathi Tracoli's "Psalm 23" on iPod
• 1 WONDERFUL group of ladies who may not be military wives are there for me anyway...they even listen to me whine!
• An average of 3-5 hours sleep a night
• 2.5 weeks with less
• 1.5 weeks without internet access
• 2 laptops, but only one WITH internet access
• 1 broken power cord
• Mobilization
• 1 "Crap, that was a do not tell the wife topic" in a phone conversation
• The beginning of what appears to be a great friendship with another wife
• 1 lost voice (GI Joe isn't even here to enjoy it!)
• Picking up some part time work
• Over a dozen links in our countdown chain
• Just as many pennies in our deployment pig
• 2 dings in the hood from hail damage
• 1 trip to the storm shelter
• and a partridge in a pear tree! (Okay, the last did not happen, but it sounded good.)

I will post more in detail over the next week.

Marshmallows and other things with gooey insides.

Okay let me state this...I am not emotional (exception being my temper.), I am not a crier, I do not get PMS, I am one heartless, merciless, (seriously, 'Mercy' was my second lowest scored item on my spiritual gift assessment.), tough girl. I am the strong one, the one who has been known to laugh at someone crying in a movie. Yet somehow I have become a marshmallow! Maybe its having kids, maybe its getting older & hormones, maybe its having something worth fighting for with someone worth fighting with. Whatever it may be, I have become a marshmallow none the less. I share this with you for several reasons.

Today I experienced my first couple of 'emotional...situations' deployment related. The first being earlier in the day. You see the Prima Donna is in gymnastics, she is on the team and competes in recreational meets. After all the teams parade in and are introduced the National Anthem is sung or played. I teared up, I choked up, I HAD TO BITE MY LIP TO KEEP FROM ALL OUT BAWLING!!!!!!!! I did manage to pass my sniffles off as my head cold, the only time I have ever been grateful for one. Oh my gosh!!! I know I am not the only spouse who does this, especially while the service member is away. BUT good grief, he hasn't even left yet, pull it together girl!!!!

The second was the first of what will probably be several...spats, before he goes. This one still catches me by surprise. You see GI Joe's first overseas deployment happened so rapidly, we didn't really experience this, however, in preperation for year long TDY orders in another state after his return, we had this...the emotional distancing to make it easier to let go. Let me tell you, IT SUCKS! First there's the whole bickering/arguing over stupid crap and the guilt thing for getting upset/letting it get to me, but the worse for me is the "driving to the grocery store b/c its the only way to be alone to cry my eyes out then have everyone stare at you in the store or car next you" thing. A whole new level of suckiness, especially for someone who is not into public displays of 'emotional weakness.' Yeah, I know, get over myself, and I will...but it is this "I am strong" attitude that is the only thing that will hold me together some days in the not so distant future. What's worse, GI Joe proceeds to come up hug me, apologize and ask my forgiveness for being a jerk when I get home. What do I do?! Give him a salt water bath, all the while thinking, I am such a dork, (O.K. this is nothing new, I own up to being 'adorkable'). This is not the way to be a supportive wife...can we say "LOSER" with that big 'L' on our forehead. *Sigh* So if you happen to know me/live near me & see me crying in my car while driving down the road, really I am okay, its just the marshmallow in me getting out.

The countdown begins

I just realized the other day that my husband will be gone within 2 months.  While we have confirmation of his unit, we still do not have a report date. The reality of it can be enormous. This will be our second overseas deployment, this one so far is vastly different from the previous one. For instance: "I've had time to prepare" for it, I thought I was prepared, believed I had plan A, B, C and D in place. However, I'm not. I mean I SO AM NOT!!! All plans go out the window when you're rocking along in life and suddenly realize the day you thought was so far away, is just around the corner.

This is a bit of a schizophrenic time for me. I want it to slow down, want to be able to spend as much time with GI Joe as possible. I want our family to make as many memories as possible before he deploys. Then there are the moments when I about half wish he were already gone, after all, the sooner he leaves the sooner he will return, right?

Crazy I know. I have to keep reminding myself to focus on the here and now, something that can be difficult for a planner, to not worry about tomorrow.   Matthew 6:34 "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (NLT).   This has caused me to become more protective of my family time. I'm going to be very selfish over the next weeks, especially as his deployment date draws near.

*Note* After drafting this last night for posting today, GI Joe received a drill letter stating all pertinent dates for the next 3 months. This includes going away ceremony and later the actual Mobilization date. We've been waiting on this for months, expecting it, yet as he showed me I felt that "punched in the gut" feeling. Ok, so now this is really real. Now we can begin the countdown in earnest.